Orgasm Balls

People subscribe to different fitness programs or work out plans every day, You've never seen the gym busier, shops are full of workout gear and every magazine seems to be revealing their top weight loss tips.

Here at  Pleasure Chest,  we are more concerned with sexual health and happiness than how many miles you can clock up on a treadmill. In fact, the only workout we are worried about is keeping your PC muscles in peak condition.
Orgasm balls are also known as Ben Wa balls,Not only do these orgasm balls deliver pleasurable sensations, they also help to tone your pelvic floor muscles, leading to more intense orgasms.

Invented hundreds of years ago, Ben Wa Balls were made to enhance sexual stimulation and to exercise the Kegel muscles. Still popular to this day, Ben Wa Balls have been one of women's favourite items to use. Now they come in many varieties and variations called Duotone Balls and Kegel Balls. People also refer these kind of products as Ben Wah Balls, Pleasure Balls, Orgasm Balls, Love Balls, and Smart Balls. 

As you shop for a pair, you will find some balls are connected by a string, and some connected together with a silicone coating. The string gives an added benefit of being able to tug on the balls for stimulation, exercises, and easy removal. Ben Wa Balls are made of metal so they are naturally weighted. Duotone Balls are made of plastic, larger, and contain weighted balls inside the plastic balls which roll around causing self-made vibrations. 

For Stimulation
Whichever style of balls you use, they all cause sensations and stimulation. In the old days, women would insert the balls into the vagina and rock back and forth on their rocking chair. The balls would roll and move around inside eventually reaching an orgasm for the woman. You can be creative. Try them while riding the bus, during intercourse, taking walks, or secretly while working. 

As a Kegel Exerciser
Ben Wa Balls are great for strengthening your pelvic floor muscles. Since the balls are weighted, you have to use your muscles in the vagina to hold them in. With Kegel Balls, you can squeeze on the elastic silicone or increase resistance by tugging on them. Doing these exercises daily will tighten and firm your vagina muscles. Many gynecologists also recommend using kegel exercisers to treat urinary incontinence since stronger pelvic muscles improve bladder control. 

How to Use Ben Wa Balls

1.    Use the restroom before placing the balls in the vagina. 2.    Insert one ball at a time. Putting lubrication on the balls will help them glide in. Women have said that inserting the balls is similar to inserting a tampon. If you’re not used to inserting tampons or if you’re having trouble, you should lift one leg up. If that doesn’t work, try inserting them while lying down. 3.    Squeeze your leg muscles together and then your PC muscles together to hold the balls in. The balls should push down a little bit inside your vagina, and they will make your vagina feel “full”. Much like tampons, you should eventually get used to the feeling. 4.    Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day to strengthen your PC muscles. You can hold them in for hours for a better workout. 5.    If any balls slip out, wash them well with soap and water and slip them back in. 6.    There are several ways to remove the balls including: jump up and down, sneeze, cough, sit and bear down as if you’re having a bowel movement, insert lubricant to help them slide out, etc. If you think you might have a hard time removing the balls, then you may want to purchase balls that are strung onto a retrieval cord. In any case, it is not possible for the balls to disappear inside the body from the vagina. Ben Wa Ball Tips  •    For beginners and those with weaker PC muscles, use plastic balls or larger duotone balls instead of metal balls. Metal balls tend to slip out of the vagina if the PC muscles are not strong enough. •    Balls constructed from latex are comfortable, but latex is hard to clean because it has porous elements. Those who wish to purchase latex balls should clean them well every time they’re used to prevent bacteria build-up. •    Some balls have a retrieval cord, which will make it easier to remove the balls from the vagina. •    Use the balls at home and do not do any rigorous physical activity because the balls will most likely slip out. Even sneezing or coughing can cause the balls to fall out. You wouldn’t want the balls to slip out while you’re in public. Once you’re able to hold them in, then it’s ok to try wearing them in public. However, keep in mind that metal balls will set off metal detectors. •    One or both balls may be worn during sexual intercourse. The balls will stimulate the penis and help increase natural vaginal lubrication. •    Balls with retrieval cords may also be inserted into the anus because they are easy to retrieve and are less likely to get “lost”. Methods to Try for Arousal •    Rocking: With the balls inside the vagina, get into a sitting position. Rock back and forth with your legs pressed together. •    Vaginal Penetration: During sex, leave one or both balls in the vagina. The penis will move the ball(s) around, so this technique will also stimulate his penis. •    Vibrator: Leave one or both of the balls in the vagina while inserting the vibrator or using it on the clitoris. •    Retrieval Cord Balls: Use the retrieval cord to pull the balls out. Push the balls back in. This will give your vagina a good workout. Can Ben Wa balls get stuck? Temporarily, yes. They can’t go any further into the body than the cervix though so when they do get “stuck” it’s just a matter of staying relaxed and working through the many ways you can remove them until one works. How to clean Ben Wa balls? You should always thoroughly clean the balls before and after each use. Classic style Ben Wa balls that aren’t connected by any kind of string or sheathing are easier to clean than their counterparts. You can run warm / hot water and wash them with anti-bacterial hand-soap or whatever you typically use. Rinse them in the warm soapy water then make sure to get all the soap off them before drying  them and putting them away. Balls connected by a string or some other means are a little more difficult to clean but the process is pretty much the same as above. You just have to spend a little extra time getting around the connection points between the string and each ball and work a little harder to thoroughly clean the extra crevices. As you can see, Ben Wa Balls has many benefits. Improve your sex life while having fun at the same time! Try a pair and you'll see why women have loved their Ben Wa Balls for years. If you hear people talking about them, they are also sometimes referred to as orgasm balls, smart balls, vaginal weights, love balls and pleasure balls. Wondering where to get a pair? Pleasure Chest has a lot in stock.Check link Orgasm Balls

If You Can’t Do This On Your Own, You May Never Find Lasting Love

Humans are pack animals. We are designed to live, eat, work and play together. When we are single, in most cases, we are continually scanning and searching for the ideal mate to connect with and share our lives with. It is an instinctive, healthy drive.

if we don’t possess a healthy sense of self, we match up with someone who perfectly fits the pieces of us we have discounted, disowned and rejected.

For example, let’s say you are a woman who grew up with a distant, emotionally unavailable father. You may choose a man where you have to ‘work hard’ for his attention. Initially, you have strong chemistry with this man and you feel like you can’t live without him near you.

Soon, within three months to three years, you find he drives you crazy and not in a good way. The very needs you want met, he seems unable to even see, never mind fulfil. You want affection, adoration and gifts, and he grants you the occasional dinner out and some quickie sex.

What do you do? You do more for him. You cook him more dinners at home, dress up in sexy lingerie, and suggest therapy. It doesn’t do a damn thing to get back to those hot sexy days when you first met. And the more you do for him, the less he feels he has to do to woo you. The relationship fizzles. And the cycle begins again.

There is a way to break this cycle but 95% of the people who read this article won’t do it. I dare you to do it. If you do, you become a part of what I call the 5% club. The 5% club is the most exclusive club in the world. This is the club that no one invites you to join and only you can accept or reject yourself.

This club is called self-love. To achieve self-love, it is vital to develop your ability to receive… receive love, support, and help. To accept a compliment with a simple ‘thank you’ instead of a long story about how you bought the dress on sale after a friend told you about it, blah, blah, blah.

To love yourself, you also must develop your selfishness muscle.
If you really crave true romance and an IDEAL partner, here are my 5 tips for making sure YOU are ready to receive love before you enter the dating market:


1. Write out your intention for the relationship. How do you want to feel and be treated? How does your partner live their life? What is your spiritual goal for the relationship?

2. Make a list of all the things your previous partners had in common – the good, the bad and the ugly. Then, next to each item, make a note if it reminds you of one or both of your parents.

3. Make a list of what you most want to receive in the relationship. When you have a partner, ask them to do the same and trade lists. Are you willing to love them in the way they want to be loved so you can be loved in the way YOU want to be loved?

4. Track how you spend your time for one month. Now, going through your time inventory with a highlighter and highlight all the activities you love doing. In another colour pen, circle all the activities you don’t like doing. Are you willing to be self-loving enough to ditch, delegate or re-design these activities to suit you?

5. Create a dream board that contains images that reflect your true feelings about love, relationships, sex, marriage, family. Put it in a place where it’s the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you see before you go to bed at night. You are programming your subconscious to help you focus on attracting what you most desire. For additional success, release everything materially that isn’t useful, beautiful or essential to your life. Make sure that whatever you put your eyes and hands upon stirs love in your heart.

Hmmmm I found this on www.yourtango.com and thought to share.Hope its useful,you can visit the website for more articles.XoXo

Role Playing 2

Hello all, I apologize for not having blogged in a while,after my first post on role playing,i got a lot of emails asking me to do a post on it explaining step by step so i thought to share some tips.Let's go!

If you missed the first post,check this link:- http://pleasurechestng.blogspot.com/2013/02/happy-valentines-day-ladies.html



So today,we are starting by explaining what role play means.It means dressing up to imitate a particular character,We all did this as kids right?For all of you that didn't get serious with it then Hmmmmm its BACK!



If you've never indulged in role playing sex or anything close to this before, then you may think the whole game is just hilarious. And extremely stupid but like it goes with everything else, you never know what you’re missing until you try it! Wearing costumes while having sex may make you feel uneasy and uncomfortable, but the more you feel the part, the more the fun for both of you.

There are many delightful ways to bring role playing and fantasy games into your bedroom,One form of role playing is to have both of you act out one another's secret fantasies. Maintaining a non-judgmental attitude toward whatever your partner reveals is important. Only then can you create an atmosphere of safety and trust that allows for a deepening of your erotic bond.

For example, if you fantasize about being kidnapped and ravished by a pirate, you might ask your partner to don an eye patch and a gold ear ring, sweep you up into his arms, carry you to bed and secure your wrists to the bedpost while he calls you his "wench" and has his way with you.
Or, perhaps you have a fantasy about directing or starring in an X-rated film. As the director, you may wish to instruct your lover on how to strip for the camera, how to model sexy lingerie, how to play with sex toys, recite an erotic poem, sing a suggestive song or perform a sensual dance.
You and your partner also can role-play yourselves at a different age or in a different setting than your bedroom. For instance, you might pretend to be a couple of lusty adolescents about to make love for the first time in a parked car.

Sexual role play isn't unheard of, and most of us may even have indulged in it without actually realizing it.Even the most passionate sex can run out of passion and even the most intimate acts of sexual ecstasy can run out of steam after a while.It’s at times like these when sexual role play and costumes can save your bedroom woes, and help you reignite the passion in the sack.Even the happiest couples in love can suffer from a drought in their sex lives.
You could be madly in love with your partner, but quite frankly, emotional love and mad, sexual passion are two completely different things.You could actually be in love with someone and yet, lust about another person.

Sexual role play cannot be learnt from a book or from someone else’s mouth, it has to be experienced. And you’ll have to understand what turns you and your partner on better than the other role playing characters. But once you’re comfortable with the act of sexual role play and costumes, sex can become as exciting as your first night together, because, literally speaking, the person you’re having sex with is, a totally different character!


For beginners, you could just play along without the costumes, and opt for roles that wouldn't make you uncomfortable. Choose to be a delivery girl instead of a stripper, or opt to be the plumber instead of a doctor.After you've done it a few times, you can move ahead with more adventurous role playing sex games that both of you will be eager to explore.

Learning how to role play can be exposing and awkward at times, but with time, you would learn to enjoy yourself and be comfortable with your own body, even if it’s a bit on the fatter or skinny side. Be prepared to experience something new, and enjoy yourself.

Choosing your characters to role play

Choose a character that has always enticed or motivated you, something that gives you a boost of sexual adrenalin, and let your partner choose one that suits them. But remember, the characters that both of you choose should be able to blend with each other. A few of the all time favorite role playing sex characters that are preferred over the others all across the world include these.

Teacher – Student

Slave – Master

Plumber- Housewife

Photographer – Model

Escort – Client

Doctor – Nurse

Stripper – Client

Fireman – Trapped person

These are just a few of the different characters that you could opt to play, and if you have the perfect costumes to go with it, you could guarantee yourself a totally wild night of role playing sex.



The rules of role playing sex

Knowing how to role play in the game is the most important part. Enjoy the game, even if your lover decides to dress up like the Giant Horny Bird or as the Fat Bastard from Austin Powers, just go with the game. You’re doing this to make sex a lot better for the both of you, so avoid judgment, unless of course, your partner’s costume or behavior grosses you out.



Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in role playing sex, and overdo it once in a while, so if anything gets boring or uncomfortable, just cut it out. Learn to have good sexy conversations to turn each other on.

And most importantly, before you even think of shedding your clothes, shed your inhibitions! Or you wouldn't be able to pull off something that can excite the both of you.
Once you’re comfortable with the theme of your role playing sex game, learn to dress the part. Accessorize, use the right kind of perfume, dress well and behave the same way. A few minutes into the game and you would be aroused a lot more than you would have ever thought. So play this game with the right spirit and interest and you’d flood the sheets before you’re done!



Let me share 2 or 3 i have in my head now. Lol

1. The working girl. The working girl role-play scenario takes on many forms but the basic idea behind it is that you need to earn money from your man by doing exactly what he wants. This could take the form of being his personal stripper, escort or even maid.

So he gets to tell you what to do but you get to charge him for it. He needs to start by telling you what to wear for your appointment with him. It could be a sexy dress, lingerie or nothing at all. Remember, it's his choice, but you get to charge him for it.

You can meet him at home or if you want to start somewhere more public, try meeting him at a classy bar. When you meet, remind him that you are working but if he is willing to pay he can get some "extra special" attention.

You can try acting a female stripper,you dance,give him lap dance and strip and he is NOT allowed to touch you.Company Policy(LOL)You can break the rule,charge him extra to touch you at least no one is watching.
You can also be a call girl,he is NOT allowed to kiss you,that will drive him crazy,he wants anal,he will pay extra as that wasn't part of the agreement.Its fun.Hehehe

2. Naked maid. The naked maid is a role-playing idea where you are going to be in a submissive position, while your man is going to be watching and directing you during it. If your man has voyeuristic or domination fantasies, then he will love this one. And if you love the idea of being watched by someone, then you will love it too.
All you are going to be doing is cleaning your house/apartment but ... you're going to do it while naked. The whole time, your man will be directing you around the house/apartment telling you what to scrub and clean.

Maybe he feels that the floor needs more attention and wants you to get down on your hands and knees to clean it properly or perhaps he'd like to see you working with a feather duster. Whatever it is, it's up to him to decide.
You don't necessarily need to be fully naked for this role-play idea, you can also do it wearing lingerie or even a maids costume. And don't forget to switch roles too!

3. Cop and criminal. This next role-play idea is very fun if you like the idea of dishing out some punishment or being the one on the receiving end of some punishment from your man. If you want to be the one dishing out the punishment, then obviously, you're going to be the cop and the person who wants to be on the receiving end is going be the criminal.

If you are the cop, then you need to start off the fantasy by catching your man in the act of doing something naughty, bold or even criminal. Then you need to decide what to do to him for punishment...

Tie him up and spank him?
Strip him naked?
Be the corrupt cop who demands favors from him in return for freedom?


These are just a few ideas of what you can do with your man to punish him but feel free to experiment with other ideas of your own. You might also like the idea of trying out restraints/handcuffs to take this role play to the next level.

You can also role play with your profession.Are you a lawyer?how about playing with your partner like he is a client that doesn't have enough money to pay for your services and you are thinking he or she can pay in kind.

Are you a doctor/nurse hmmmm that is the best part of the job.Your partner becomes your patient.YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Are you a photographer?do you do photo shoot for models well you got a model in your partner now.DO YOUR THING.


That will be all this week,drop your questions the usual way,comment on this post or email info@pleasurechest.com.ng



We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
Enjoy


N.B We have bedroom costumes if you want to get started.check out www.pleasurechest.com.ng if you are outside Abuja,Abuja residents please come to Suite SA 92 New Banex Plaza,Wuse2.

How To Use a Cock Ring

Many folks equate sex toys with vibrators, and vibrators with women. But men enjoy all kinds of sex toys (including vibrators) and one of the staples of their toy box is the cock ring. A great toy for solo or partner play, the cock ring (also known as a penis ring) is a strip of material or a continuous O-ring designed to restrict the blood from flowing out of the penis, which can prolong an erection. Why wear a cock ring? Lots of reasons! They temporarily create more sensitive, intense and hard erections, and can even help some men delay ejaculation. (Of course, everybody is different, and not all men respond to cock rings the same way. For some, the intense sensations caused by the cock ring make them come faster.) Will cock rings make your penis bigger? Sorry guys, but not in the long run. They may enlarge it temporarily, but repeated use of cock rings won't result in any permanent changes.

*Pick a Style, Any Style
There are many kinds of cock rings, but if you're new to cock rings, you'll want to choose one that's adjustable and easy to remove.

*Adjustable cock rings. An adjustable cock ring is great for beginners because it's easy to put on and can be removed in a snap. Julian's Stud Ring works like a little bolo tie, with a bead that slides along and adjusts the tightness easily and comfortably. When you're done, just loosen and remove!

*Continuous, O-ring-style cock rings. The less expensive styles like the Nitrile Cock Rings are great for first-time users. They range in size (and despite their small diameters, they do stretch a lot), and they're not too difficult to get on.

*Vibrating cock rings. These offer an extra buzz to the penis or testicles, and are extremely popular for the clitoral stimulation they add for women during partner sex. They're typically rings with a small vibrating attachment, like the translucent Duet Vibrating Cock Ring (which has two vibrators — one for his balls, one for her clit) or the Sonic Ring Kit.

Prep your gear. If you're using a stretchy O-ring like the Nitrile Stretch Cock Rings, you might want to stretch them out over a shampoo bottle for a few hours. Masturbate or fantasize in order to perk up your penis, as cock rings are easier to put on if you're semi-erect.

Lube up. Particularly if you're using a rubber or seamless O-ring, put some lube on your penis and balls, so the cock ring will slide on more comfortably.

Location, location, location. Cock rings typically are worn around the base of the cock and the balls. You can just wear it on the shaft (and by all means, experiment!), but cock rings function the most effectively when secured around both the scrotum and cock. This allows blood to flow into the erection, but not out, so hardness and sensitivity increase.

Put cock rings on when you're semi-erect. If you've got a solid cock ring, first pull the loose skin of your scrotum through, then drop one testicle through, then the other, and finally push your penis through.

Masturbate. Once you've become accustomed to the sensations your cock ring creates, try masturbating. If your ring is the vibrating type, you can experiment with pointing the vibrating portion on your testicles for an extra buzz.
Make a statement. Get into the fantasy surrounding your cock ring. Whether you're showing off a festive adornment as part of a striptease, wearing it under your clothes to show off your package, or telling your lover you're proud to be submissive by wearing a locking cock ring, play up the erotic potential of your toy.

Cock rings are fun for silicone dicks, too! Strap a colorful or sexy leather ring on a dildo to dress it up.
Share it with a friend. Vibrating cock rings like the Sonic Ring Kit and the Tor vibe are designed to offer female partners clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Position the vibrator near the top of your cock (or the dildo if you've got a strap-on) so that during intercourse it bumps up against her clitoris. Keep your body down parallel to hers and try slow, shallow thrusts to make sure she receives consistent contact with the vibrator. Or try it with her on top, moving in more of a grinding than up-and-down motion.

You can get cock rings from our shop or website www.pleasurechest.com.ng

How to Start Exploring BDSM

What does BDSM Stand for, Anyway?

First, let's define BDSM. It's a fairly recent term that encompasses consensual explorations of sensation and/or power dynamics. Categories like Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism are part of BDSM and can include acts like biting, spanking, tying up your partner, wearing nipple clamps, playing with sensations like ice cubes and hot wax, making use of blindfolds and gags, and role-playing, such as partners taking on dominant and submissive roles.

The most common question we hear is "But why would anyone like pain?" Remember that BDSM is an exploration of erotic sensation. Being blindfolded and tied up while your partner massages your shoulders and then drips hot wax on your back is a very different experience than visiting the dentist for that long overdue cleaning. When aroused, our bodies process sensations differently, and sometimes a bite or a spank can suddenly feel exquisite.Hehehe

People love BDSM because it gets their motors revving. It's fun, exciting, and it feels good. It can be an emotional thrill, a great way to reinvigorate a relationship, or to connect with a partner and create intimacy. BDSM isn't just a different kind of sex. Elements of BDSM that make you hot can be incorporated into your current sexual repertoire.
"Safe, Sane, and Consensual"

That’s the motto of the BDSM community. While a BDSM exchange can look intimidating, it's important to know that the people involved have talked beforehand and decided what they would like to experience together It's this process that clearly separates BDSM from abuse. Communication and consent are the tools that people who enjoy BDSM use to keep themselves and their partners safe.

Some people are afraid that if they consent to some aspect of BDSM play, they'll never be able to say “no” if they decide they don't like spanking or bondage after all. Remember that you are in complete control of how you act on your desires. And you have a right to use your safeword, change your mind, or re-negotiate at any time.

Other people are afraid that once they experience stronger sensations, they will want more and more. That might happen, but it's unlikely that trying out a set of nipple clamps will be a one-way ticket to the dungeon(Do we have any in Nigeria?)and a full-time master/slave relationship.

Let’s Get Going!
So how do you get started exploring BDSM? For many people, the biggest obstacle to introducing BDSM into a sexual relationship is bringing up the subject with a partner. It's scary to express your desires about something that some folks consider "sick" or "perverted." First, congratulate yourself for being in touch with your fantasies. It's hard to even know what we like in this sex-phobic culture. Then, take a deep breath and consider these suggestions:

*Read fifty Shades,the whole 3.Trust me you will be tempted to try some things.


*Try a massage Candle


*Under the Bed Restraints


*Sex Swing


*Neck and Wrist Restraint


*Another suggestion is the Bondage 101

Bondage 101 is a kit that allows you to safely explore the curious world of restraints, dominance, pleasurable pain, and submissiveness. Each game card is designed so that you take role play or sex play techniques to your comfortable limit. Play as a game or simply use one card for each adventure.The kit includes: 36 Bondage 101 adventure cards, two dice, a wooden paddle, a mask, a long black scarf and game rules.

Before you try anything,check the following tips:-

*Talk about it. If you and your partner don't routinely talk about sex, get into the habit. You don't have to blurt out "We need to talk about our sex life!" to get the ball rolling. Using sentences like "I love it when you ________" and "You’re so sexy when you ________" is a great way to start conversations about sex. Find vocabulary that seems right to you. It's guaranteed that the first few sentences of your first conversation will be the hardest, but rest assured—it will get easier.

*Make a list. One of our favourite tips for kick-starting conversations about sex is the Yes/No/Maybe list. Together you and your partner write down every dirty, naughty, far-fetched sexual act you've ever heard of, and then each person categorizes these acts under the headings "Yes! I’d love to!", "No! I’d never ever do that!" and "Maybe, if the conditions were right." You may have sexual interests in common that you've never explored!

*What turns you on? Explore what turns you on by reading erotica or watching porn. If you find a BDSM moment that gets you going, share it with a partner. Marking a story in a book or magazine and saying, "I thought this was hot!" can be easier than bringing up the subject independently. Check out the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, or pick up the Fifty Shades of Grey Book and Bondage Kit.

*Educate yourself. Check out The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book or any other book on bondage, BDSM, and SM. All of these resources offer reassuring encouragement about exploring BDSM.

*Safety first. When partners negotiate, they usually designate a safeword. A safeword allows you to withdraw consent at any time if the action gets too intense. Some common safewords include "red" to mean "stop now" and "yellow" to mean "slow down" or "let's check in with each other."
There is a Sex bell you can also use to safeword,you just ring the bell to alert your partner to slow down or stop instead of screaming STOP and spoiling the show.


*Start small. If you want to re-create the ideal BDSM fantasy you’ve been having for years, what do you do if the fantasy involves elaborate costumes, exotic scenery, and multiple actors? Keep it simple. Isolate one part of the fantasy that makes you hot—like a particular power dynamic or a specific action like spanking—and try out that part.You can try a bondage tape,check picture below.



*Get all tied up. If you want to restrain your sweetie in a snap, it's worth a small investment in a pair of nice Cuffs. While silk scarves or metal handcuffs are tempting, both can tighten unexpectedly and restrict circulation. If you like the look and feel of rope, search for something soft and sensual at the hardware store. Don't let your lack of a knot-tying merit badge keep you from tying each other up! Make sure that knots aren’t too tight by using the two finger rule. You should be able to slip two fingers comfortably between the rope and your partner’s wrist or ankle.


*Brand spankin' new. Spanking is a great BDSM tool to incorporate into a current sexual relationship. The best way to start is with your hands, so you know exactly how hard you are hitting. Aim your strokes for the fleshy areas of the body that have large muscles to absorb the impact. The butt and thighs are popular choices. Avoid the kidneys, joints, feet and hands. If your hands get tired easily or your sweetie yearns for different sensations, the Lollipop is an excellent impact toy for beginners.

*Nipple clamp. Nipple clamps (also known as nipple clips) are a great way to add stimulation while keeping your hands free for more fun. And they're not just for nipples! You can use clamps anywhere you can pinch an inch of skin. Look for adjustable clamps like Clover Clamps and Tweezer Clamps which allow you to control the amount of pressure exerted. If you're using clamps on someone else, it's good to remember that the most intense moment is when you remove the clamps and blood comes rushing back to the area.


You can get bondage items on our website to try BDSM.Just click on the BONDAGE category on our website www.pleasurechest.com.ng and explore*winks*

Role play tips 1

Happy Valentines Day Ladies.
Do you have a boo? Wanna blow his mind? Read the following tips and change from the usual jumping jumping mummy and daddy style.Lol

Role playing is something we all enjoyed as kids right?It means dressing up to imitate a particular character but we didnt know this will be useful later. Here we go.You can be creative and form a lot of things in your head or you can pick from the 3 examples stated here.This 3 are for beginners. More to come*winks*

School Teacher and Student: This is the easiest for beginners.You can play the student and he does the teacher and you get to sleep with him for extra marks.Do this on a table, act it out like you are getting paid for that role.
The guy can say "I think you need to stay after class for some private tutoring." You can get a complete school girl costume or turn a dress,stocking and tie into one.
With one or two scenarios available here,you have the option as to who takes the dominant role. Option 1: A disciplinarian head mistress punishes the naughty school boy for persistently bad behaviour. Here she will make you write down and repeat all those dirty (sexually related) sentences you wrote down and read them back to her. There’s a chance she could well spank you - you'd better be man enough to take it. Option 2: A mini skirted school girl refusing to conform to school dress policy is sent to her head master who proceeds to lay her over his knee and dish out a pleasurable form of discipline.Hmmmmmmmmm

Flight Attendant and Passenger: You turn boo into your passenger and flirt with him by asking "Coffee, tea,... or me?"He will choose you of course.

Homeowner and Plumber: Turn him into a plumber and start giving orders"Hurry, I need you you to unclog my pipes!"

So ladies its valentine, Do what you havent done before.Try one or all of this 3 and check back for more,so many options to pick from. Nurse-Patient,Photographer-Model,Driver-Tourist.Oh that reminds me, I havent arranged my outfit for tonight.Gotta go,Cheers to the freaking night.kisses

Drop your comments and questions and remember you can get bedroom costumes from our shop at SA 92 New Banex Plaza, Wuse2.

Rose Petals:- 10 romantic ideas for using rose petals

Here are romantic ideas for using rose petals:






Run a hot bath and add the rose petals to the water. You can do as little or as many as you like, but in our experience, adding a lot sets the mood. Light floral scented candles around the bathroom and turn off the lights. This intimate bath will be like no other.
If you own a hot tub, float rose petals atop the water. You may want to leave the jets off for the time being so that your filter doesn't fill up with rose petals. If you have room on the sides of the hot tub, light a few candles for added intimacy. Want to get risque? Get in the rose covered tub in the nude.

If you have a pool rather than a hot tub, float them in there. You won't be able to use as many, but the lights from the pool reflecting on the rose petals will be romantic none the less. For a little extra excitement, try skinny dipping in your rose covered pool.

Spend the night at a hotel in a room with a Jacuzzi bath. Light some candles, distress, and rejuvenate your relationship for the night.
Get intimate in the bedroom by spreading rose petals all over your bed. You could try satin sheets and then spread the rose petals all over the sheets instead.
Plan ahead and put rose petals on the blades of your ceiling fan above your bed. When you're laying in bed, have the ceiling fan, turn the ceiling fan on so that the two of you are showered with rose petals.
Leave a trail of rose petals from your front door leading to your bedroom. Be waiting for your sweetie on the bed in sexy lingerie... possibly red like the rose petals.

Want to get even more intimate with rose petals? Surprise your sweetie in bed with nothing on except rose petals covering your intimate areas.
Spread rose petals all over your dining room table, get out your good china, and enjoy a romantic dinner for two by candlelight.
Fill her car with rose petals as a surprise for to find before work. Attach a note to her steering wheel that says "I'll say she looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew. - William Shakespeare"

One final word of caution. Roses are often sprayed with herbicides and pesticides to preserve them. If you plan on floating rose petals in water, you're better off purchasing the freeze-dried petals rather than picking the petals off an actual rose.

How to make your woman feel sexy

What's the best way to make your woman feel sexy and attractive?No,it's not by buying her gifts like perfume,chocolate etc; you have to show her that you're still uncontrollably attracted to her in a positive way. Again, not by trying to probe her with your manhood at every given opportunity.You guessed it,I'm talking about the roots of romance, namely LINGERIE.

I know when you guys probably walk into a lingerie store,you always feel like a baby who's been asked to dissect a nuclear warhead -- oblivious. Well, that is why I made up this post to teach you some things you should know about women's naughty wear and I am here to teach you the ABC's, or rather 34C's, of lingerie.

Don't Neglect The Negligees
Negligees are basically any item of lingerie that resembles a dress (mini or floor length).
The most flattering negligee is the Baby Doll design, which basically starts out tight around the breasts and then opens up (it's usually see-through; yum) and stops right under her buttocks, yet another bone -us.

Another wonderful thing about the Baby Doll design is that many of them are open down the middle starting under the breasts, which in turn, gives "easy access" a whole spanking new meaning*wink.

Another hot seller is the Chemise that is basically a silky plain mini dress that drapes her body and ends at her thighs.Oh, I forgot the best part; most of these negligees come with G-string or thong underwear.Can I get a yayyyy?

I Wanna Be Your Teddy
Teddies are nice to look at, to say the least. They resemble one-piece, kinky bathing suits, and come in a variety of styles: G-string, see-through, high-cut, and push-up (for breasts, naturally).

I am very sure as a man,your "little man" probably isn't thrilled when your woman removes her outer layer of clothing only to be donning a beige, worn-out bra and white underwear -- and grandma's variety at that.Lol

Perhaps she's just comfortable around you, or maybe she literally has no idea that a thong might drive you to insane proportions. Whatever the case, perhaps it's time you bought her some nice bra and panty sets. She'll appreciate and trust me, you'll alleviate.

There are all kinds of sets you can buy. The bra comes in a variety of styles, but Push-Ups are the yummiest. There's nothing like watching your woman prance around in a cleavage-enhancing bra and a tight, low-cut top.

And for the oblivious men who still don't understand how bra sizes work,the letters (A,B,C,D and for you lucky guys DD) connote the size of the breast while the numbers (32, 34, 36, 38) describe the measurements around the back.

Shall we move a little lower, say, down south???

Under Where?

Then there's the underwear: Thong, G-string, Crotchless... ah the scrumptious list goes on and on.Remember that although men would like to ensure that women basically have a thong plastered to their body virtually every day, sometimes they're not very comfortable. So I suggest that you buy her a really nice bra with a variety of underwear (all the ones mentioned above).

Make sure that the underwear you purchase has cotton lining on the crotch (for hygienic purposes), unless of course, you plan to take it off the instant she puts it on.

Guys,If bras aren't your thing and you don't seem to have any luck removing them though some guys can remove it with one hand -- or even their teeth,hahaha!, why don't you buy her a Camisole instead? These silky tank top-like pieces of clothing are easy to put on, nice to feel up, and even easier to take off.Can i hear thank you?*smiles

There are some camisoles that do have bra-like clasps and although they're nice, you're better off buying them if you want to see her do a little dance for you before you slowly ease into your ram ification session.

You can even pamper her with a Sexy Lace Chemise... who am I kidding, I meant pamper yourself.

Next to the chemise, another sexy item that would definitely get your blood flowing to the soldier down below is a Bustier (pronounced boo-stee-yay). Yeah, the name might sound complicated, but believe me, this contraption pushes up the breasts, shrinks the waist, and provides that overall hourglass look every woman says she wants.

And of course, all this talk about lingerie would be useless if I failed to mention every man's fantastical dream of watching his woman remove her clothing only to find that she is wearing a crotchless body stocking underneath. Omg It would be such a high to just do your thing without removing the stocking.Sexy ain't it?

When In Robe...

Making sure your woman is comfortable can likely ensure your own comfort. Draping her sexy body in a silky floor length or ¾ length robe will definitely make her feel like a horny housewife.

But silk isn't the only available option; there are also velour, terrycloth, chenille, and thermal knit robes for your lovely lady. Picture wrapping it around her naked body only to get your hands inside and feel your way around.Sounds tasty, doesn't it?

And what should she be donning under that robe? Well, preferably nothing, but perhaps she would like to tease you just a little longer with a seductive T-Shirt and Thong duo.

Know When To Hold 'Em
Asking her what she wants kind of defeats the purpose and the element of surprise. Try to be considerate; don't show up with a G-string that's two sizes too small and a bra made for Malibu Barbie -- she won't be a happy camper.

Pay attention to her body shape, check the size of her clothes and the styles that she likes. More than the lingerie, women love attentive men who appreciate the female form enough to know what would look good on it. Trust me,I am a lady and I know this.

Until next time,watch her put it on, place her in front of the mirror, stand behind her, and slowly render her naked. And remember; shield your soldier before going in i.e please wear a condom#safe sex is the best,say no to unprotected sex.

N.B please guys one last thing,we ladies like to feel SEXY in our lingerie,please dont remove it immediately we wear it please we are begging.Let us wear for atleast few minutes.Thank you.xoxo

New Year Resolutions 2013: Lingerie Edition

Happy New Year People.I am glad we made it.

Now that the days of frantic shopping, over-eating, and excuses for staying in PJ’s all day have come to a screeching halt, (sigh) it’s time to set in stone some serious resolutions for 2013.

Most people will join the gym, pull their “skinny” jeans to the front of the closet, and make promises to go on fad diets that will maybe last until mid February*tongue out*

Well, we are more than happy to announce that this year we have made a resolution to strictly stick to the fun stuff.

Lingerie resolutions - of course!

1-Be Adventurous. Trust us, we love basics more than anyone. But the months of January & February (ahem, Valentine’s Day soon approaching!) are perfect times of the year to wear something extra special underneath.It’s worth it, even if it is just for yourself!

2-Mix it up! Don’t be afraid to mix & match. It’s not always for everybody but mixing & matching your own custom lingerie “set” can be pretty fun and always makes you feel 100% unique! We are always here to help you find just the perfect combination. Just ask!

3-Get a Bra Fitting! It’s time, ladies. You’ve been thinking about it for months now. All of those brand new beautiful tops/dresses you just received as Christmas gifts are going to look so much better with a proper fitting bra underneath! 85% percent of women are wearing the wrong size bra. If you haven’t had a proper fitting in the past year, we are willing to bet you are one of them.

4-Take care of your lingerie collection! The best way to ruin fine lingerie is to throw it in the washing machine without a lingerie wash bag. Stop by our shop to pick up some lingerie wash bag to guarantee them a long happy life.

5-Plan a private lingerie shopping party with girlfriends! Never been to the shop before & feeling a little intimidated by a boutique filled with Lacey underthings and barely-there lingerie sets? Not a problem. Grab a group of girlfriends & bring them in for a private shopping experience. We are here to show you that there’s absolutely nothing to be bashful about.

6-Wear your ‘sexy’ lingerie on a normal day.What’s the point in only saving your special underwear for a special day?Wear your sexiest pieces on a boring Monday and surprise your partner,or just give yourself an ego boost knowing how good you look underneath your clothes!

7-Don't wear your bras for more than one day in a row.Wearing bras for more than one day in a row will stretch the elastic out more than can be recovered in one night.Leave a day between bras so that the elastic has time to recover.

8-Wear ONLY matching underwear
Should you ever be involved in an accident(God forbid) and require assistance from a hunky doctor, the last thing you would want is to be showing off saggy beige granny pants and a clashing bra! Match your underwear to feel co-ordinated, and prepared for anything! Also wear attractive sleepwear.
For me,I've found that on the days that I wear attractive undergarments I often feel more bold and confident, so why wouldn’t the same be true of my sleepwear? Its time to ditch the cartoon flannel pj’s and oversize t-shirts in favour of some more luxury fabrics & elegant details.Hmmm who doesn't like Silk?Perhaps some silky rompers or lace trim microfiber will be just the thing to inspire sweet dreams this year.

9-Buy only lingerie that fits!
Don’t just get it because it’s in the sale! or because your friend or sister has it.If it’s too small or too big then don’t waste your time and money. Get fitted regularly to ensure you are always wearing lingerie that looks amazing, lifts and shapes you, and makes you feel fantastic!

10-Invest in a supportive strapless bra.
Wondering what bra to wear underneath your backless dress?get a strapless bra that is also backless and you are good to go anytime.

11-De-clutter your lingerie drawers.
You know you’re an addict when you can’t properly shut any of the lingerie drawers in your bureau!first step will be discarding the old, ratty & unflattering bras & undies you reserved for desperate times (ie: laundry day, that time of the month, etc.)The second step will be to get rid of all the uncomfortable pieces that you insisted on keeping because they are just so pretty! Goodbye frivolous purchases and hello extra drawer space!

12-Embrace your figure: it’s one-of-a-kind.Lastly, in 2013 we ask you to always embrace your unique self & be confident to wear beautiful lingerie no matter what your shape or size.Love your body,2013 is going to be a great year –We can feel it. A year of enlightenment,happiness & wisdom! I think we should all vow to dispel the judgment we put on our bodies and really focus on what makes us beautiful and sets us apart from others.Let’s stop obsessing about diets,celebrities and our own social standing and focus more on improving ourselves for years to come.We are always here to help you find something that is going to fit not only your figure, but your lifestyle & budget.

Please send us an email to info@pleasurechest.com.ng for specific questions, to schedule a custom bra fitting or to inquire about our private events. Cheers to a New Year!

Sexual Questions and Answers

Do you have any questions about sex/lingerie/adult toys that you’re too embarrassed to ask? Email them to info@pleasurechest.com.ng and we'll reply here.


How can I get aroused when we're not having make-up sex?


Q My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years. We are always fighting and having heated arguments. The make-up sex is great because I get quite turned on. But on the odd occasion when he wants sex from out of the blue, I find it so difficult to become aroused by his touch. The more he tries, the drier I become.

What should I do?

A It sounds like you need to find out what triggers your arousal, and to deliberately use these triggers to get yourself in the mood and ready for sex. You could also learn to initiate sex instead of waiting for him to do so, which means that you can choose moments when you feel like having sex. With regard to feeling dry when he’s attempting to turn you on, we suggest you try a good quality water-based lubricant, which should help tremendously. Many couples use them and it doesn’t mean that you’re not turned on by him if you use one.The warming lubes are particularly good as they are arousing as well, as is the Go Girl Gel Spray.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He battles to keep an erection and I end up disappointed. Help!

Q My boyfriend says that he is very sexually active. We do not see each other all the time and most of the time he boasts about using the hand method, so he sorts himself out. When I do see him, he is exhausted from gymming so hard that he battles to stay erect, which is really destroying the mood and I don’t get pleasure out of this at all. We really like being with each other and I look forward to our sexual encounters, but I end up getting very disappointed. Help!

A It is called erectile dysfunction,you can get a Viagra-like herbal tablet called OTO Chao Jimengnan (no prescription needed), which you might find helpful.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He only lasts a few minutes - what can I do?

Q I have a question regarding my boyfriend. On the first round, on entering my vagina, its not even two minutes and then he comes. He says it's because he's over excited, but it makes me feel like I have not been satisfied.Then as we progress to another round thereafter, he seems to take longer each time but still not long enough for me to reach an orgasm. He laughs about the matter but I'm frustrated.
I told him that I am willing to try anything to prolong his ejaculation, and he is willing to try as well. Besides foreplay, what else is there?

***

Q I am 38 yrs old and my boyfriend is 48. Whenever we are intimate he ejaculates within 2 to 3 minutes. This is becoming very frustrating. He had a heart attack three years ago and he is on medication. He also smokes a lot and doesn’t even try to do some exercise. Whenever I try to talk to him about the situation he says he is trying to quit and that he’ll start walking but he never does.
I am mad at him every time he ejaculates early and I don’t want to be intimate anymore as I’m never satisfied. This has been going on for about six months now.


A Premature ejaculation is a common issue for guys and there is plenty you can do about it - The obvious solution is to ask him to pleasure you with oral and manual sex first before penetrative sex, so that you orgasm before he orgasms. Also consider using a vibrator during penetrative sex as they tend to bring women to a climax quickly, which means that his couple of minutes might be long enough - and you may well orgasm simultaneously. Especially if you have already had one or two orgasms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why won't he go all the way with me?

Q This guy that I am terribly in love with seems to have an issue with intimacy. We start, and kiss, and he does everything except for the actual intercourse part. He just stops, like something is in the way. I've recently heard that he is using steroids as he is a body-builder… and this is obviously the problem that is making him so shy. What can I do about this? Coz I can't really get all worked up and hot for him and he slams on the brakes completely. I don’t completely understand all the side effects steroids have on a man. Please give me some advice!

A We can’t advise you on all the side effects of steroids but we can advise you to start communicating with your partner. We suggest that you don’t make any assumptions about why he puts the brakes on as it's very difficult to guess at the reason. Rather ask him, but make sure you do this in a gentle and tactful manner. There may be a reason that takes you completely by surprise.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How can I learn to orgasm?

Q I believe that I can't have an orgasm. I cannot bring myself to one - I seem to be getting close and then...nothing. Is there anything I can do?

A Probably the best way to learn how to have an orgasm is via masturbation –we suggest that you try a powerful little vibrator like the RO-80mm vibe, which should help you orgasm quite quickly when held against the clitoris.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Has my new Pill destroyed my libido?

Q My hubby and I are very sexually active and we have great fun. Recently I haven’t been feeling a full orgasmic explosion. I understand that I won’t feel this all the time...but now I never feel it. My libido is now pretty low. I have just changed my birth control pill and I am not sure if this has had an affect. I feel that maybe I need to do some Kegel exercises. What else can I do to improve my muscle tone and strength?

A The Pill often lowers women’s libido and it sounds like the one you have changed to has had this effect on you. Go back to your doctor or gynae and tell her/him of the effect on your libido, and ask if you can try another contraceptive. It’s often a case of trying different products until you find one that suits you.

Doing regular Kegel exercises throughout our lifetime is recommended to keep the vaginal muscles toned and strong, in the same way that physical exercise keeps our bodies toned and strong. It will also heighten your orgasms. The duotone balls that we sell are excellent and are highly recommended. They are also great for preparing women for lovemaking as they are very stimulating.

If you want to keep your pelvic muscles toned and fit, you need to use them frequently, which means regular sex. Now that’s one piece of advice you’re probably happy to hear!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do I rekindle the flame after his affair?

Q My husband had an affair with a work colleague. It has since ended. We have decided to stay together and work it out. We are both 53. But I am afraid that although he still loves me he has fallen out of love with me. Our sex life has come to an absolute halt. How do I rekindle this? He shirks away from absolutely anything romantic. All the old suggestions (lingerie, intimate dinners) do not work. I miss the intimacy. Any ideas worth trying? Maybe the end of the road for us?

A We strongly recommend that you seek a professional counsellor for guidance on the issues you are facing. It would be ideal to go for couple counselling but if your husband declines to do so, we would suggest you still get counselling for yourself to help you find some answers so that you can move forward in your life.
If he loves you and you love him, which is what it sounds like, you have a good basis for staying together and working on your relationship.
We also suggest that a good sex book may help you inject some fun and adventure back into your sex life, which might be what both of you need.You deserve to enjoy a lifetime of intimacy and great sex with your partner and we believe there are always solutions to the challenges we face in life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How can I get my self horny and reach an orgasm?

Q What can I do for me to be sexually horny? My husband complains that I take time before I am ready. Another thing is that I fake orgasms. How do I reach an orgasm?

A Most women take longer to be ready for penetrative sex than men do. That’s just normal, and there’s nothing wrong with you. It sounds like your husband has a lot to learn about women’s sexuality. What many couples do is concentrate on bringing the woman to orgasm first and then focusing on the man’s orgasm. This is because most women orgasm from direct clitoral stimulation via oral or manual (fingers/toys) stimulation, and penetrative intercourse doesn’t provide enough of this – but it gives a man exactly the right kind of stimulation for him to orgasm, usually quite quickly. And once he’s orgasmed, his body is depleted of glycogen so his energy levels drop, which means he’s more likely to sleep and less likely to attend to your needs to bring you to orgasm.
If you want to enjoy an orgasm while you are having penetrative sex with your husband, try holding a powerful little vibrator like the RO-80mm vibe against your clitoris at the same time. It’s small enough not to get in his way, and you might find this produces a powerful orgasm for you more or less at the same time that he’s climaxing.
There’s absolutely no need to fake orgasm – the real deal is much better! We wish you all the best in exploring and finding what takes you to the height of sexual pleasure.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife feels a burning sensation after sex


Q I used erection enhancing tablets more than twice and after that my wife developed some serious reddish sores inside her vagina and around her clitoris. After I ejaculated, she felt like her vagina was burning and she rushed to the bathroom to wash herself. I am very worried that every time we are about to have sex, she feels scared and it breaks my mood. She does not know that I used the tablets. We both have health problems from the nameless sickness. Please let me know what could be the cause? I sometimes feel like not having sex with her anymore.

A If you suspect your wife may have developed sores in reaction to the erection enhancing tablets, stop taking them immediately. Everybody reacts differently to medication, including herbal substances, and it is not always possible to predict the side effects. We know it may be difficult for you but we suggest that you discuss it with her as she may be wondering what’s going on. You owe it to your partner to be open and honest about sexual matters and to tell her about any treatments you have been trying. This information could help put her mind at rest and may well strengthen your relationship. It’s not always easy to be open and truthful, especially regarding a delicate matter like erection problems, but she will at least then be able to understand the course of action you have chosen and how and why it is affecting her. She is likely to respect you more for trusting her and being honest with her.
We advise you both to seek advice from a medical professional, either your doctor or someone at a health care clinic. Your wife (and possibly yourself) may need diagnosis and treatment for the sores as they may indicate an underlying infection. If you are having erection problems, you may be able to find another solution that works better for both of you, and your doctor can help you with this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wants me to swallow but I hate the taste

Q My husband and I enjoy a very active sex life and constantly indulge
in great oral sex. We have on many occasions discussed the 'spit or
swallow' issue and I have expressed my discomfort about doing it,
basically because of the taste. My husband really wants me to do
this, but I cannot stomach the taste of it. We watch porn together
to give me an idea of what he would like, but when it comes down to it,
I freeze. Is there anything he can do to change the taste of his semen? I would really like to do this for him and because I'm having difficulty with it, it's causing tension between us.

A This is such a personal issue and there really is no right or wrong answer, just what works for you as a couple.
When it comes to the taste of semen, and also a woman’s intimate flavour, fruit and a vegetarian diet generally improve the taste. Avoid spicy foods, tobacco, alcohol, coffee and red meat, which negatively affect your taste.
Lots of women prefer not to swallow the semen. Many guys take it as a compliment if you do, but others don't feel it's really necessary. If you want to try it, you could block your nose like you did as a kid taking medicine and just knock it back. You could keep some delicious champagne, chocolate or sweets handy to pop in your mouth immediately afterwards, as a ‘reward’ for your good behaviour.
Another trick is to use a flavoured lubricant like Wet Kiwi Strawberry Lube for oral sex, which disguises the taste and is the reason that people use it. Or you could pop a small mint or something strong and pleasant tasting in your mouth while giving him oral in preparation for the taste – but try not to choke on it when you swallow his semen!
If you do swallow now and then, kudos to you – but it doesn’t mean that you have to then do this every time, of course. And if you absolutely can’t stomach it, is it really such a big issue if you don’t? Consider that most of the women you’re watching in the porn movies probably aren’t actually swallowing but faking it, anyway.
You could also ask your husband to put himself in your shoes: if you wanted him to do you a sexual favour that didn't grab him, would you insist that he did it? Sex should be fun and mutually enjoyable – and it sounds like the two of you already have a great sex life.
If you simply can’t bring yourself to swallow, ask him to respect your feelings and not allow this one little issue to cause unnecessary tension in your relationship. There are a myriad other fun things you can do to give each other pleasure: swallowing is not the be all and end all of great oral sex. Find a new technique that you'd like to spoil him with and suggest this instead. You might find he'll be glad you decided not to swallow after all.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do I itch and bleed from sex?

Q My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for 7 months. Every time after we make love it itches and I start bleeding. It is very difficult for me to orgasm. Could that maybe be the reason? And what could be causing the itchiness and bleeding?

A Itching and bleeding after sex isn’t normal and it’s difficult to say what could be causing this for you. We would suggest that you see your doctor or gynae – whoever you feel you can talk to openly about the problem. We would advise you to seek help and not to leave it, though, because there could be an underlying problem such as an infection that may be quick and easy to treat.
If you are too dry during sex, this could lead to tiny tears on the walls of your vagina and result in some bleeding. Lack of sufficient arousal, and hormonal complications, could cause this. It might help to try a lubricant such as Sylk (all natural), Jo H2O or Go Girl lubricant.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do I know I've had an orgasm?

Q How do you know that you are having an orgasm? What does it feel like? How long does it last?

A
The muscle contractions in an orgasm are powerful and unmistakable, so if you’re not sure if you’ve had one it suggests you may not have yet. We’d suggest that you try self-exploration, which is a great way to work out how to bring yourself to orgasm with no pressure or time constraints.
Exploring your orgasm potential is a wonderful, empowering pursuit. We also encourage you to invest in some good sex books, quality lubricants and a powerful clitoral vibrator (a popular one is the RO-80mm vibe) or dual vibe like the globally popular rabbit vibrator or new generation rabbit to help you in your research.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it normal to be wet before sex?

Q I'm married and I love making love to my husband. My question is, is it natural to get wet before you even have sex? I'm aroused even at the thought of him touching me or whilst he is in the process of it.

A Yes, it’s perfectly normal. When a woman is aroused her vagina produces lubrication and expands outwards and upwards in preparation for penetrative intercourse. The lubrication prevents friction ‘burn’ from his thrusting, which is what would happen if you produced no lubrication. Without lubrication, the inner walls of the vagina experience tiny tears from his thrusting, which makes a woman more vulnerable to infection.
As our hormones change with circumstances such as pregnancy, breastfeeding, menopause and ageing, our natural lubrication levels fluctuate and we may need added lubrication to keep things smooth and slippery during these periods. Water-based lubricants are best as the vagina self cleans and these are easiest for the body to eradicate. Another wonderful product is a warming gel, which is very arousing for women especially as it produces a deliciously hot sensation where it touches, and it remains smooth and silky with use. The warming sensation is also felt by your partner so it's stimulating for both of you.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My wife doesn't want sex anymore...

Q I have been married for 20 years this year and my sex life is falling apart. For the past few years my wife has avoided any sexual contact. I will be lucky if it happens eight times a year but it's like, 'okay, get on top and do your thing,' and into the shower she goes. Foreplay is out of the question these days.
During our courting days its was everything from foreplay to oral and different positions. Sex was fantastic for both of us and it used to happen about eight to ten times a week. After marriage things started to change with how often we made love. From there on things just went dead. She used to have moments where making love used to last for a period of time, then there was no sex for a long time. In the past few years it has got even worse. Whenever I speak about our situation she gets upset. I asked if it was menopause, as she is 45 years old. I feel that these days we don’t make love - she just has sex to please me. I try my best using what I read but there is no response from her. I even went as far as asking her if there was someone else and whether she still enjoys making love. Well, there's no one else. She will not let me in the shower with her nor will she dress in front of me. And no, she has not put on weight - her body is the same as the first time I saw her.
Is it normal for women to change their attitude as time goes on in a marriage? If I try to book for the two of us to go away, she just says no. Our kids are grown up and yes, we can go away for that special weekend. Please give me some advice to spice up this relationship.

A No, it isn’t the norm for people to lose interest in sex just because they’ve been married for years. This does often happen to couples but there are many avenues to sorting the problem out, like dealing with relationship issues if these are the cause, and becoming more adventurous in the bedroom if things have become monotonous.
We suggest that you consider seeing a professional counsellor to find out what the underlying issues are and to work on your relationship together as a couple. There are trained professionals who are best placed to assist with this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He can't climax since heart surgery - how can I help?

Q: I am 43 and my boyfriend of 12 years is 57. He has had two heart attacks and is sometimes very sick due to the medication. He is also moody due to the fact that after he had two stents inserted and angioplasty he has not been able to climax. I feel so bad for him as his self esteem is affected. I also feel as though my muscles are not tight enough. Is it normal at that age to not climax? He says he is satisfied as long as I am but I don’t believe him. What can I do to please him?

A Your partner should talk about this matter to the medical practitioner who decides on his medication. Different medications have different side effects, and it may simply be a case of changing his medication to find one that doesn’t have this side effect. Many people are too embarrassed to discuss such an intimate matter with their doctors, which is unfortunate because sex is such a great pleasure in our lives and a problem such as this can often be sorted out quickly and easily with the aid of a doctor. They are used to handling this kind of medical issue – consider what gynaecologists have to deal with when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth! So you should encourage him to bite the bullet and approach his doctor.
If you are concerned about how toned your vaginal muscles are, it’s always a good idea – for men and women alike – to do Kegel exercises each day to maintain sexual fitness. This will improve the strength of your orgasms as well, so there are added benefits.
It’s the head of the penis that is the most sensitive and stimulation of this usually leads to orgasm. If he is currently unable to orgasm from penetrative intercourse, try different positions to find some that narrow your vaginal canal and offer greater friction, like keeping your legs together or crossing your ankles. Alternatively, try bringing him to climax with oral stimulation or using your hands. You may find that smooth, silky lubricants such as Manslide or Sylk help with this as they provide great lubrication without congealing (some lubes like KY Jelly congeal easily, which reduces friction and typically causes men to take longer to climax). You could also try a warming lubricant that has an arousing effect, such as Jo H2O, which helps with excitement levels.
We’d like to encourage you to explore the wealth of sex information available, be it books, instructional DVDs or sexual health web sites. The more information you are armed with, the more opportunities you have to resolve this. And you may even find that your sex life expands tenfold as you explore techniques together to find out what works for both of you. Your man is lucky to have such a caring partner in you – well done for taking the initiative to help him and improve your sex life.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How can my man stimulate my G-spot?

Q Can you please give me tips on how my boyfriend can find my G-spot with his fingers and his tongue? And how can I have an orgasm during intercourse?

A There are many ways that you can have an orgasm through intercourse and it really depends on you – some women can orgasm just through fantasizing! It’s really a case of exploring and finding out what works for you. For instance, some women enjoy spending a lot of time on foreplay until they are very close to orgasm and then penetrative intercourse gets them to climax. For many, it is vital to keep stimulating the clitoris during penetrative intercourse – and the combination of the two results in a powerful orgasm. For others, stimulation of the G-spot either by his penis (certain positions enable angled, shallow penetration to stimulate the spot) or a vibrator worn during penetrative intercourse (the We-Vibe is award-winning as it vibrates against the clitoris and G-spot and can be worn while you make love - it is small enough to allow simultaneous penetration by the penis) does the trick.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Do ARVs lower libido?

Q I am on ARVs and ever since I started therapy I have experienced a low sex drive. I also do not experience orgasms during sex as before. Is it possible that the treatment is causing this? I am not depressed because I have accepted my HIV status and I function very well in all other spheres of my life except sexually. Even when I masturbate, it now takes me longer to come and sometimes I do not come at all. As a result, I dread having sex and this is affecting my partner because he is very sexual. I have discussed this with my doctor but he said it would pass; it is more than three years now and the situation is still the same.


A The shock of an HIV diagnosis would negatively affect most people’s libido, but it sounds like you have adjusted well. The range of HIV medication you are taking may well lower your sex drive. Many people on ARVs have also reported that this has led to a change in their sexual feelings. However, there is apparently no clear evidence it is caused by the medication.
In general, medication can have negative side affects on all three stages of sexual performance – sexual desire (libido), arousal (lubrication and vaginal swelling in women, erections in men) and orgasm.
Your doctor should do a thorough assessment that includes discussing any history of sexual problems and conducting a careful physical examination (especially of the vascular system as sexual dysfunction can be caused by poor blood flow to the genitals). Together, you need to pinpoint exactly in which stages you are not functioning properly, then review all your medications and their potential to affect sexual functioning. If any medication may be contributing, ask your doctor to substitute it for another. You also need to have both your ‘total’ and ‘free’ testosterone levels tested and if low, you may want to try a testosterone patch.
There are steps you can take right now to improve your body’s sexual functioning: stop smoking, cut back on alcohol, cut out coffee, eat a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, eat high fibre foods (vegetables, grains, fruits, nuts and seeds) and get cardiovascular exercise (aerobic and weight training at least 3 times a week). This will improve blood flow to the genitals. Finally, the brain is our biggest sex organ, so you might also want to consider psychotherapy for psychological support.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Healing marriage after a separation

Q I need advice on how to keep my husband happy. We separated for a few months after we had our first child and things have not been the same. I want this marriage to work with all heart.

A It sounds like what you need is relationship counselling. We suggest you contact a professional organisation for counselling as a couple. If your husband won't go with you, it would still be worth your while to seek counselling for yourself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it safe to meet this stranger for no-strings sex?

Q I have a high sex drive and have been on my own since my divorce some years ago. I need to feel a man’s hands on my body but don’t want a relationship. I have been chatting to a guy via internet dating and am so sexually turned on by him. He also wants no strings. I need advice on the best way to ensure my safety. I agreed to meet him but I will arrange the location. I have a friend that will know exactly where I am and will be checking in with me. Condoms are agreed on. Any other tips to ensure my safety? I really want to do this but don’t want to end up in a body bag.

A Our advice is simple – don’t do it. It’s just not worth the risk. Rapists and serial killers are often charming or unassuming ‘nice guys’. The rule when meeting your date for the first time is to meet in a public place and don’t end up anywhere alone with him. Your safety is worth investing the time and effort in getting to know him first, before you both agree to a no-strings relationship. There are two other options if you are in a hurry – stick to someone you already know well or invest in a vibrator. Or both.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Am I a sex freak?!

Q I’ve met this amazing guy and I feel bad because I’m scared he might think I’m like a sex freak. I feel bad to ask this question but how do I approach this matter? I’ve just come out of a seven-year marriage and this guy turns my world upside down. The problem is, whenever I’m with him I constantly want to make love. I constantly want to touch him, feel him, and I’m scared that he’s not used to this, that this will eventually separate us.

A It sounds like you need to sit down with him and tell him what you feel, and ask him how he feels in response. If you think you might be risking your relationship by your feelings and behaviour in sex, then you’ve got nothing to lose by being open and honest with him. You could ask him to let you know what he wants and with this in mind, you can then adjust your behaviour accordingly. You’ve got the right to seek the kind of relationship that you want, so negotiate for what you want as well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Is bleeding during sex normal?

Q I have been sexually active for a few years now and have experienced a few times in the past few months a bloody discharge during and after intercourse. I find this usually during the ovulation phase. I have been on Triphasil since 2002 and I get a discharge when I’m on the white pills, which my doctor explained is when ovulation would have taken place if I wasn't on the Pill. I do not know if this is something I should worry about or not. It usually only lasts for a short while with no discomfort or pain, just a bit of humility as I feel shy when this happens. Should I consult a doctor about this? What causes this discharge?

A Any vaginal bleeding between your periods should be checked by a medical professional, even if it is only slight and you experience no other symptoms. Sometimes non-menstrual bleeding occurs shortly after a woman goes on the Pill, but this should settle in a short while.
There are a number of possible causes of the type of bleeding you’re experiencing, including an abnormality of the neck of the womb, erosion of the cervix, a cervical polyp, cervical cancer, inflammation of the lining of the womb or vagina, an infection in the womb lining or vagina, or pregnancy.
Your doctor is likely to do an internal examination plus a cervical smear, or take swabs to test for possible infections. The sooner you seek medical advice, the better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Should I use his ex’s sex toy?

Q I’m 48 years old and in a relationship with someone I previously was with for three years. We were apart for 6 or 7 months. We both had sexual partners in between. He and his partner lived together for six months and enjoyed hard porn and used sex toys. This hurt me as he claimed before that he was convinced he should not have porn films in his home. Now he tells me that he hid them from me. I do not have any desire to watch porn movies and feel that they defile the human body – part of my values. Do I disregard this for his benefit?
I do not feel comfortable with using vibrators – and I know he has one which he used on his previous partner and now wants to use on me. I am worried about infections from unclean sex toys – how can one ensure that one is protected against infections?
I really do not know how to overcome this problem and it causes me to feel insecure. My genitalia are not perfect and although I read your article on this, it bothers me that I am being compared to others (I feel he must as he watches porn films and probably compares me to his ex-girlfriend). This is affecting me negatively and causes me great insecurity.

A If you’re not comfortable with porn and your partner is, you both need to discuss this matter openly and honestly to try to reach an amicable agreement, as you shouldn’t feel pressured into going against your values. You may need to seek the assistance of a professional counsellor to help.
Expecting you to use the same toy his former lover enjoyed is insensitive and unhygienic. There are some places you shouldn’t be expected to go and in our book, his ex’s toy is one. However, vibrators are wonderful for helping women reach orgasm and if you battle in this area, you may want to consider buying your own. To keep it hygienically clean, wash the toy before and after each use, then use an anti-bacterial spray and allow to air-dry before storing it carefully.
You should feel empowered in your relationship to negotiate sex and intimacy, and if you don’t, I strongly suggest you should seek professional counselling to help you through any insecurities you have or issues from your past.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Is my boyfriend lying about his HIV status?

Q I am not sure if my boyfriend is HIV positive. Two weeks ago I was going through his personal photos and passports and I came across a clinic card with his name and details about him. The card said “ARV meds and doctor visit” but nothing of the diagnosis was written in the card - whether he was suffering from an Aids-related disease or anything like that. It goes back to 2004. When I asked him about it he said it was the first time he read his card and that he is not HIV positive. He said he is diabetic, about which there was nothing on the card. I was so worried about it. Then today he said both of us must go for HIV testing. What must I believe?

A It’s difficult to say what his status is without seeing the documentary evidence, but you are right to be concerned. If you have had any kind of unprotected sex – oral, anal or vaginal – since your last HIV test, it is best to go for another test straight away. When it comes to sex, always use protective barriers to reduce your level of exposure to STDs, including HIV, as many people do not feel able to tell their partner they have or have had an STD. You need to put your safety first. However, condoms and dental dams cannot provide complete protection against STDs. The best protection is abstinence.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can I contract HIV through oral sex?

Q If my partner is HIV positive, can I become infected through oral sex if I am HIV negative?

A You can become infected with HIV in oral sex as the virus is present in semen, blood and vaginal fluids. There are also trace amounts of HIV in sweat, tears, urine and saliva. Blood and menstrual blood contain far higher concentrations of the virus than vaginal fluids. While the mouth of a healthy person carries enzymes that destroy delicate viruses such as HIV, the virus could enter your bloodstream during oral sex with an HIV-positive person if you have any sores or tiny cuts in your mouth (including from brushing or flossing your teeth), which you may not be aware of. If he ejaculates in your mouth, this is a higher-risk activity for transmitting HIV to you.
What to use for protection
If your partner has any type of STD, use a barrier such as a condom, dental dam or cut open condom for safer - but not completely safe - sex. There are flavoured condoms on the market which make it more enjoyable for the person giving oral sex. You can add some lubrication to the side of the barrier in contact with his genitals, for added sensation for him. Some people find they are allergic to latex condoms, and if you are one of them there are alternatives on the market, such as polyurethane condoms (your pharmacist should be able to help you here).
What other STDs can be transmitted via oral sex?
You can also be infected with Hepatitis B and other STDs such as herpes through oral sex. Hepatitis B is a virus that is found in saliva, semen, vaginal secretions and blood. If you give oral sex when you have oral herpes (a cold sore), you can infect him with genital herpes, while genital herpes can be transmitted to your mouth. It’s also possible to become infected with herpes even when there are no outward symptoms, so if either of you carries this virus, use a barrier. During an outbreak of herpes, the sores can appear in places not covered by a condom, such as the base of the penis, so it’s best not to practice oral sex at such a time. Gonorrhoea and syphilis, which are bacterial infections that can be treated with antibiotics, can also be transmitted during oral sex. Avoid oral or genital sex until the infection is cleared.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My husband won't pleasure me sexually - what can I do?

Q I have a question about oral sex. I am a woman who is hot blooded. My man is very old fashioned and only believes in basic sex. His penis in my vagina...in out, in out – that is it. He does not like to touch me...not even my breasts. He refuses to use his fingers to massage/give pleasure to my vulva and clitoris...and he said he tried oral sex once before and did not like it.
I will lose interest in sex...and will go look for it elsewhere, even though my morals are intact. We are expecting at the moment and I dearly love him, but he does not want to spoil or please me in any way. Please help!

A So many women appear to be dissatisfied with their sex lives and in particular, with their lack of orgasms relative to their man’s. Research shows that a woman has one orgasm for every three orgasms her partner has – which is strange if you consider that women are able to have multiple orgasms and repeat orgasms in one session. It suggests that couples are focusing on his orgasm and not hers.
Many men don't understand that sexual intercourse alone usually isn’t sufficient for women’s satisfaction in sex. However, looking outside of your marriage for satisfaction would be a dishonest way to deal with your issue and could ultimately destroy your marriage. Instead, we would suggest an approach with four levels:
The first is to sit down with your husband to discuss your feelings and needs in sexual intimacy in a gentle, non-confrontational and constructive way.

Secondly, it sounds like he may have some deep-rooted issues when it comes to intimacy and you may need the intervention of a professional, such as a sex therapist, who can help you both understand what lies beneath this and how to deal with it as a couple to the benefit of both.

Thirdly, perhaps you could explore ways to bring yourself to orgasm and sexual satisfaction with him, without putting the pressure on him to do it for you. For instance, you could teach yourself to masturbate to orgasm, and do this during foreplay with him (he should find it highly stimulating to watch you) or during intercourse. He could learn by watching you and possibly become confident enough later to take over, imitating what he’s seen you do. A lot of women stimulate their clitoris during intercourse or ask their partner to do both simultaneously, depending on the sex position.

An alternative that works well for most women is to invest in a straight vibrator which you can then pop onto your clitoris during intercourse (or a curved G-spot vibrator for afterwards). If it is small enough it shouldn’t interfere with his movements, but of course you can adjust your position to find one that accommodates both him and your vibrator.
There are other ways for you to heighten your arousal to orgasm, and you can experiment to find what works for you. Women often enjoy reading erotica as part of foreplay, or indulging in fantasy (using your imagination or dressing up in fantasy costumes – naughty nurse, innocent schoolgirl, vamp, etc, and roleplaying). It can be fun and empowering to explore your sexuality.
The fourth avenue is solo play. Many people who are in a committed relationship and who enjoy a fulfilling sex life as a couple also enjoy solo time, stimulating themselves to orgasm.
Whatever methods you decide to use to stimulate yourself, you would need to introduce them in a way that is both sensitive and non-threatening for him, and once again this will require you to communicate openly with him. You may find that a therapist will also help you talk though it as a couple.